When you’re so damn tangled in the crap that holds you back… bending over backwards with out of shape boundaries, shape shifting to have fit your personality fit whatever’s up, ‘over giving’ to have others like you, over accommodating by not putting down clear boundaries… being too ‘nice’, too ‘yes of course’.
Then the OPPOSITE of what you truly want ends up happening cause here’s the thing….
When you do all those things, you teach people energetically how low your internal bar is set at. How you’re more invested in peeps liking you than you are in clearly knowing and occupying your own space.
It feels so empty doesn’t it? Bottomless? Kinda like a vacuum that sucks your personality and passion dry. And compounding that? You get experiences and people who’re attracted in at that level, that snowball the whole damn vacuum-ous cycle…
Look, this is going to sound rough. However, Im damn serious about this one…
If you’re a people pleaser, then people pleasing is one of the most dangerous things you can be doing.
And what completely sucks about it, is that you have such awesome intentions with it all. You THINK that you’re helping. Being kind. Being generous. Being of service.
But what you’ve not been seeing, is that although your intentions are awesome, what you’re actually being… is….
….. an over-giving, over-functioning doormat, with an open door policy that almost anyone can (and does) get in on. And as a result, there’s people getting a backstage pass who shouldn’t be, and who have full access to you in the backstage VIP area, and they’re damn well taking advantage of it.
YES, I know that’s harsh, Cause on many levels, you’ve also got a lot of amazing stuff going on. I’d call you, a ‘high functioning people pleaser’ (what a title!).
So here’s REALLY the thing. Imagine how powerful you’d truly be, if you weren’t having so much of yourself sucked dry from having your time and energy sucked away.
Imagine being FULL power? I mean, you’ve already done so well, on part of your power Imagine if you had ALL your power
Imagine being a woman of backbone.
SHE’s different SHE plays on a different playing field SHE knows CLEARLY who She is and what She stands for She knows what’s what, and She shows up as that, regardless Her energy communicates her boundaries long before She ever needs to open Her mouth and in the times and moments that She does need to communicate a boundary, She does so clearly and fully and by doing so, She’s trained people who She is and the level to which She plays at people continually step up around Her. they rise to play on a higher level playing field alongside Her and EVERYONE rises together She radiates an energy that in turn has people magnetised by her demonstration of unshakeable power, remembering to switch on their own power too and because of this, She moves mountains with her mind, and builds futures with her energy this has been my area of study for over a decade and for the first time ever, I’m teaching EVERYTHING I know in a low cost 4-week, ALL IN program.
I see people swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other.
Either they absolutely avoid putting down boundaries and communicating their needs OR
They communicate their needs in such a hostile, aggressive way, thinking that that’s ‘having a boundary’.
Well.. kudos for giving it a go.
However, there IS a difference between clear, clean and beautiful boundaries.. and…. just being an asshole!
When healthy beautiful boundaries are present, there’s no anger there. Anger is actually an indicator, that the boundary underneath isn’t strong, and therefore it has to be communicated and reinforced with the energy of anger and hostility. And in fact, all that underlying frustration is key in helping someone who would otherwise not put down a boundary, to do so.
Which is one of the impacts of NOT having beautiful healthy boundaries… is that relationships massively suffer.
I’m about to burst a popular myth that some people have…
So often people think that if they weren’t ‘people pleasing’ and if they had boundaries, then it would damage their relationships, and that no one would like them.
THIS IS COMPLETELY INCORRECT! …….. and in fact, it’s the opposite!
Healthy epic rockin boundaries are needed for healthy epic rockin relationships!
This happens on a number of levels….
FIRSTLY… when you have beautiful clear boundaries, the people in your life know where to stand. They don’t have to guess, and therefore they get to feel safer!!!
I ADORE people who have beautiful boundaries and are clear and upfront because I don’t have to guess where they’re at! I’m not having to think “oh, I wonder how they really feel”
SECONDLY… when you have beautiful sexy boundaries, then you’re getting your needs met, and therefore you’re showing up as ALL OF YOU!!! Your tank is full!!!!!! You have energy and vitality!!! Relationships that have energy and are juicy… occur when the people in them are operating at their personal juiciness (ie – THEIR TANK IS FULL!). I personally want to play with people who take care of and honour themselves.. They have more to bring to the table!!! And the relationship thrives as a result
THIRDLY… when you have delicious and yummy boundaries in place, you’re NOT chronically giving out more to others than you get in return, and sooooooooo you DONT have hidden resentment and frustration building up in the background
I used to have that with Henare (my husband of 15 years). I was always the people pleaser. I would give and give and give. I thought that thats what a ‘good wife’ did. (Even though I bloody HATE to say that! As it sounds so archaic and patriarchal)..
… however, thats how I was programmed on some level. And so I did… I gave and gave and gave
The more I gave, the more he took. It became the hidden unconscious agreement of our marriage. And I didnt even realise I was doing it
I became so pissed off and frustrated at times with him. Why didnt he get it? Why didnt he help me out? Why didnt he thank me?? Daaaaamnnnnn I would get annoyed?? Was he just an asshole? Had I married a dud?? (Yup, I thought all these things)
Every so often, id get so frustrated, that Id lash out. I would be the opposite of the ‘nice girl’ that I was trying to be. And after Id finished yelling or crying (as embarrassing as what that is to admit!)… Id then be riddled with shame and guilt.
Id feel bad for my outburst. And Id feel bad for feeling so resentful.
.. and so I’d THEN do something to ‘fix’ the feeling. To make it go away And guess what I did? Yup… you guessed it.. some ‘over giving people pleasing thing’ which then perpetuated the cycle
Cue: Circus music + a merry go round of over giving, with a undercurrent of building frustration, and seasoned with random outbursts of resentment and blame”
A recipe for…………… DIS-intimacy
Which is exactly why I said that.. Healthy beautiful boundaries are needed for healthy beautiful relationships!
Myth sufficiently burst yet?
Here’s the deal…….
WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US
WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO BE AROUND US
WE TEACH PEOPLE WHAT WE’LL ALLOW AND NOT ALLOW
The question is… what have YOU been training people about YOU?
Have you been training them that if they need ANYTHING, that you’re the person that they go to?? (Jeeeez… no wonder you feel stuffed! All that over giving, you’re tank’s pretty damn empty)
Or maybe you’ve trained people that you’re available to them whenever they want or need you… and so they call on you all the time, and ask you of things
Have you trained people that they can do a substandard job around you, and that probably you’ll even come in and fix it up for them “its all good” you say as you do it, fixing their mistakes or low standard of work “YET AGAIN”
Or maybe you’ve been training people that you’re the ‘nice girl’, and so you’ve taught them that you’ll agree with things they say, and they can talk your ear off, while you smile away listening, even when inside you’re screaming that you do not want to be in this conversation, cause you have other things to do!
Or….. Have you maybe taught people that the hidden agreement of your relationship together is that you give to them, and there’s then an unspoken, underlying expectation that they have to give back to you in return. And so, whats actually been created, is not true freedom in the relationship, but in fact, obligation.
THIS IS FOR YOU IF…
>> YOU KNOW THAT YOU’VE BEEN OVER GIVING AND OVER FUNCTIONING! IF YOU FIND IT HARD TO DRAW A BOUNDARY, TO SAY NO
>> YOU SOMETIMES GET A BIT LOST IN ‘WHATS YOUR STUFF’ AND ‘WHATS THEIR STUFF’ AND END UP EMOTIONALLY CARE TAKING FOR OTHERS (EMOTIONALLY, FINANCIALLY ETC ETC)
>> YOU’RE SOMEONE WHO’S BEEN STUCK IN OVER GIVING TO OTHERS AT THE EXPENSE OF YOURSELF
>> You’re a mum, you DEFINITELY want to do this.. Why? Cause your kids eyes are on you! If YOU want them to have a high level of operating, then YOU’ll want to be demonstrating a high level of operating yourself!
>> You want to be met at a new level in the world.. you’ll definitely want to do this! Why? Cause we get met at the level to which we show up, if we show up by eating last, and giving ourselves the leftovers and operating on a partial tank, then THATS the energy that we’re putting out, and then THATS the energy that we’ll get met back with
>> You know that on some level you’ve been over giving, and you want to cut it out, and be operating from a much healthier, higher level space, while freeing up your time and energy
>> You’re reading this page and it you resonate with whats being written here.. then follow that nudge!
And, to be clear.. this is who its NOT for ….
Im just gonna go ahead and say it. I choose to not work with people who chronically whinge, whine and blame. People who’re quick to find fault in others, who point the finger and carry on about how ‘hard done by they are’ are not the people I choose to play with. Even if you pay me! Cause there aint no amount of money that’ll have me lower my standards. . Its simply NOT the space I operate in, not personally, not in relationships, not with friendships and not with clients. So if you’re a person who’s operating at the level of “the world owes me something and Im gonna moan and bitch until I get it” then dont sign up for this program. The way in which I turned my own life around was through dropping the BS (including the undercurrents of poor me and blame) and fully owning my results. My values and standards in this area are consistent across my life, including with the clients I choose to work with.
…. I want anyone who’s reading this page, and considering this program, to read that last paragraph. Cause its SO important
You have the right and the responsibility to set your own standards
Lets put it another way…..
………..You get to create the rules of the game you’re playing
That ‘game’ Im referring to, is ….. “LIFE”
And its up to YOU to know how to create a playbook for yourself that FEELS DAMN GOOD
Cause ‘Bend Over Backwards People’, live by other people’s rules, second guess themselves, wonder ‘is this how it should be done’, and continually wait to see how others are doing it before they make any kind of move
It’s the quick route to frankly, feeling like shit. To boxing yourself into a beige little corner where your self expression, vitality and voice no longer exists
WHAT YOU’LL BE LEARNING AND WHAT WE’LL BE COVERING..….
>> Being the one who goes first in creating an extraordinary life with high level healthy beautiful boundaries, joy, freedom and vitality
>> The unique People Pleasing Blueprint that you’ve been operating from, thats been driving all the people pleasing, over giving madness thats draining your time, vitality and creativity (and yes, its having way more of a toll than what you’ve even realised!). You’ll uncover what this blueprint is and HOW its been driving everything.
>> The background drivers of WHY you’ve been people pleasing. What you’ve been trying to get out of it? Lets uncover what this is, and release it…
>> Changing the script! You’ll be guided in HOW to write a NEW SCRIPT for you to operate out of, and then during the 4 weeks together, you’ll be supported as you build the muscle of operating from this new script
>> I’ll teach you how to “play a game” that builds the new muscles that you’re committed to developing within yourself, and actually having this BE FUN!!!!!!!! You’re going to practice it at times when its not significant, and it doesn’t matter, so that you have muscle built, for those times when it really does!
>> You’ll learn how to recognise in the moment when you’re operating out of your old pattern and what to do IN THE MOMENT to reset back to your new standard of operating
>> What SLIPPERY THOUGHTS are and how to recognise them in the moment and use them as the red flags that they are to support you to create the change that you’re wanting
>> You’ll learn to recognise OTHER red flag moments, which show you when your boundaries have been out, and you’ve been operating out of the old people pleasing pattern (hint: these red flag moments can be when you’re feeling frustrated or angry and are actually golden pivot point points)
>> Learn about toxic shame and guilt and how these two little guys sit in the background acting like Puppet Masters, pulling the strings. They know exactly which strings to pull to get YOU moving. Shame and guilt are pretty damn insidious AND they drive the People Pleasing Pattern (out of interest, if you havent been listening to your RED FLAGS, then you could have some kind of outburst, and then the top
>> You’ll develop your INNER COURAGE MUSCLE. YES YES YES TO THIS. Having your own inner courage muscle
>> RAISING THE BAR so that your standards are where you want and need them to be to experience the freedom that you’re after
>> What can happen from others WHEN you raise your own standards. What to expect with other people who have known you the old way, and how to deal with it!
>> How to communicate a healthy NO so that the communication is clean and clear, and sets a beautiful new standard
>> The difference between non-negotiables and preferences.. and HOW to have a non-negotiable BE an actual non-bloody-negotiable!!!!!
>> What it ‘you teach the world how to treat you’ really means! We’re going to look at this, break it down, and get clear on what that means for YOU! What HAS it meant for you in the past? And what will you choose to have it mean for you in the future?
>> Hidden agreements in relationships – what are hidden relationship agreements? And how do they lay the foundation for everything that goes on within the relationship
>> How to deal with the knee jerk ‘response’ of another person as you re-establish a new set point, and they relearn what that new set point is
>> BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES!!!! YESSSSS!!! We’ll be doing an entire week on BOUNDARIES!! What boundaries are, how to establish them, how to protect them, how to communicate them.. We’re going to dive into EVERYTHING to do with BOUNDA
>> What are boundaries?
>> How having healthy epic rockin boundaries creates healthy epic rockin relationships
>> Boundary myths – what you may be believing about boundaries that’s completely untrue and damaging your relationships
>> the difference between pro-active boundaries and reactive boundaries
>> communicating your boundary needs
>> and sooooo much more!!
>> All about CHRONIC OVER-GIVING! OMG.. we’re going to talk about this! Want to know where all your time and energy is going? Yup, its flying down the drainpipe as you’re running around, in over giving, over serving mode. Getting a handle on ‘over-giving’ means MORE TIME and MORE ENERGY back in your life!
>> How to SELF-PARTNER!!! how to partner yourself through the process with massive kindness and support! Sometimes it’s about forgiving yourself, and going easy on yourself, as you also have the internal boundaries to be able to show up for yourself in the way that will make the changes that you truly want
>> Your own inner GPS that’s always speaking to you and sending you amazing messages.. AND how to listen to it and hear the information that it has for you
>> Only saying YES to what it is that you TRULY want to do, and therefore being CONSCIOUSLY CLEAR about what it is that you actually give your word to. This is going to be a game changer for so many people as so often people overcommit, and say yes to everyone, and then feel guilty about overcommitting.
>> RADICAL SELF CARE is an act of massive generosity. If you’ve been in the habit of not caring for yourself, then this is going to change!
>> … let’s blast away any guilt that you’ve had around radical self care, and actually have you showing up DAILY with filling your own tank, so that you’re operating at your highest capacity
>> How to have sacred ‘re-setting time’ EVERY day. Super sacred space that allows you to reset your new standards within yourself, so that you can operate from these new standards every day and build the new muscles that keep these standards in place.. which then become your new normal!
>> How to protect your energy! yesssss… This is something that I hear over and over from people as that they don’t know how to care and look after their own energy! We’re going to go into SO much on energy. You’ll learn my DAILY ENERGY TOOLS to be able to protect, support and enhance your energy DAILY.. as well as my ‘quick tip’ energy protection tools when you’re working with someone who you need to protect your energy FAST…
ALL OF THESE TRAININGS WILL BE IMMEDIATELY UNLOCKED UPON PURCHASE
Grow A Backbone was originally delivered live and it had INCREDIBLE feedback and results. People were surprised at the huge breakthroughs from it. We’ve made this entire program available to you as a Homestudy option where you’ll also get a mammoth discount from what the program was originally available at
AND ITS ALL WAITING FOR YOU NOW…
ARE YOU READY??
ARE YOU READY TO KNOW YOUR POWER ON AN ENTIRELY NEW LEVEL? RAISE THE BAR SO YOU CAN BE MET AT THAT NEW LEVEL AND CLAIM BACK THE TIME, ENERGY AND VIBRANCY THAT HAD GOTTEN LOST ALONG THE AWAY?
CLICK BELOW NOW TO GROW A BACKBONE
REGISTER TODAY AND GET A HUGE DISCOUNT!
WAS $297 – NOW ONLY $177 !!!!! ** Easy Pay Option Also Available **
Im ULTRA excited for what YOU are going to get out of our 4 weeks together
I know first hand the absolute difference it makes to transform this in your life. It’s one of the biggest things Im proud of shifting within myself. And it’s one of the things that’s had the biggest impact with massive tsunami like ripples across every area of my life – relationships, parenting, marriage, finances, business success..
And oh so importantly… HOW I FEEL WITHIN MYSELF
That feeling of BEING Free
YOU GET TO BE FREE …… Did you know that? Free in every way possible
Free to communicate yourself and your needs fully & freely – cause you have clear internal boundaries, know how to listen to your own needs, and have the internal standards that support you in speaking them
Free to feel comfortable and certain about owning your own power – cause you’re no longer holding back and shrinking to not rock the boat. You no that other people’s thoughts, feelings an opinions are theirs and not yours, and you let them have their opinions without (lets be honest!), trying to manipulate everyone to like you. Your job, is to be you. And let them be them. Wow, what a relief!
Free to experience high level relationships that have epic healthy boundaries – cause you no longer get all watery with your boundaries with other people. You know that epic relationships have epic boundaries, and you you’ve decided to be the one that goes first with that, and stand up and own your own personal leadership (“kudos”)
Free to know that when you say something, you truly mean it. Both with yourself, and with others. Cause when you say something, it truly means something. Your word carries weight, both to yourself and others. And other people know that. You’ve trained them that you follow through with your boundaries, with your intentions and on your own word. SO, when you draw a boundary with them, they KNOW that you mean it. When you promise something to yourself, you also KNOW that you mean it, and you SHOW UP for yourself. WOW.. what freedom and power
Free to know who you are – to know where you start and stop, and where another person starts and stops. To be free to have your own opinion, and back it. And be free to allow others to have their own opinions
Free to have high energy and massive vitality – cause you know it’s not getting sucked and drained by old sneaky patterns, you’re no longer emotionally care taking for others, or stuck up in your head overthinking and over analysing your own every move
Free to have your time back! – cause you’re no longer running around like a headless chook doing everything for everyone, having your hands on other people’s balls! Over promising, over giving and over functioning is a thing of the past, and in it’s place, you have the time and energy to show up with your tank full and consciously choose what you invest yourself in
Free to be SEEN – cause you’re no longer dictated to by trying to please others by being perfect, you get to step out of the shadows of perfection, and just be… you. There goes that weight
LET’S GET YOU FREED UP AND UNTANGLED
FROM ALL THAT OLD CRAP SHALL WE?
…CAUSE, YOU’RE HERE FOR SOOO MUCH MORE THAN THAT
I’ll see you inside! Kate x
ARE YOU READY TO BE DONE WITH THE OLD PATTERNS THAT’VE SUCKED YOUR TIME, ENERGY, POWER & VITALITY?
REGISTER TODAY AND GET A HUGE DISCOUNT!
WAS $297 – NOW ONLY $177 !!!!! ** Easy Pay Option Also Available **
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