A few weeks ago Henare and I went to a swingers club where I had some cool experiences that both expanded me and further cemented within me (again) who I’m proud to know myself as

Before I go any further, I noticed a bit of hesitancy within me to share this in case someone (or many someones) ‘took it the wrong way’ (I’ve received much backlash in the past when talking about stuff that’s more unconventional to mainstream thinking).


And everything I stand for for women. self expression, personal freedom, power.. and EVERYTHING that’s at the core of Leadership. and so, without further ado..

“Hi, my name’s Kate Maree OBrien
and a few weeks ago, I went to a swinger’s club”

AND…… I had a frickin’ blast!

Henare and I arrived at the place, walked in and saw about 50 people of all ages and walks of life, standing round chatting. the atmosphere was thick with excitement, nerves, and anticipation

I asked myself

“Kate, what would you REALLY want to do, if you weren’t afraid”

(This is a question I ask myself every day, and often many times a day. its an automatic direction my mind goes in)

At this point in the night it was super early and everyone was fully clothed and doing the ‘chit chat’ thing

And so…. I went and did something that I felt resistance to

I went off to the bathroom, changed into my bra and knickers and – keeping my ankle boots on – walked into the room of people

So here I am….

I’m standing in a room full of people who are fully clothed, and then there’s me, standing here in my undies

And in case you’ve never met me before, I’m relatively tall for a woman. and then with heels on (the boots I was wearing were heeled).. I’m even taller

I stood out. by the mere fact of height, yes. and also, I was the only one in my undies, in a room full of peeps who had their clothes on

I was standing there, feeling into my body and feeling what was going on

I could feel my shoulders wanting to hunch forward ever so slightly. it was subtle, but I could feel it and it reminded me of all the times in my life where Id dial myself down in situations, to not be too much. I’d spent so many years, trying to shrink, and not shine, and I could feel the tentacles of that tendency creeping in in that moment

‘Sweetheart’ I said to myself

(I talk myself through things, a lot)

‘Remember who you are”

‘Remember what you’re choosing for ALL women’

And so, I put my shoulders back, stood tall,


That night, I had the most exquisite conversations

Over the night, I spoke with many women. several women who thanked me and said how encouraged they’d felt at the beginning of the night, Seeing me OWN standing there in my (dominatrix style) undies

Four of the women I chatted with that night, told me that it was their first night ever doing something like this

They told me that they weren’t wanting any physical involvement with other people, but had decided to be there because, like me, they wanted an ‘open minded experience’

They wanted to be in a place where there was open mindedness and no judgement. they wanted to allow themselves to feel sexy on a new level

Each of the four ladies said that after they saw me, standing there and owning it, that they plucked up the courage to do the same

They looked LIT UP by the experience

Their energy was palpable and our conversations were AMAZING

I was there for similar experiences. Henare and I went there that night, not to play with others, but to have a playful experience within ourselves, and with each other. the environment of a swingers club does not ‘turn me on’ sexually. however, it did ‘turn on’ (and DIAL UP) many other things for me…

Leadership, at a new level
Expression, at a new level
Adventure, at a new level

(AND full kudos for anyone who it does sexually turn on! good on you!) however for myself, and Henare, it does not

It has however, been one of the MANY environments, that I’ve chosen to experience, SO THAT I get to EXPERIENCE elements of myself

Since choosing to own myself at the FULLEST extent of my leadership, and to be ALL of who I am during my lifetime,

I’ve found that EVERYTHING is connected to that

Leadership for me is NOT something that just exists on a stage, or when the camera turns on

It’s everywhere I am
And wherever I go

When I’m with my kids (and feeling frustrated)..
Leadership, She’s there

When I’m feeling nudged to do or experience something, Leadership, She’s there

When I feel afraid to express my truth, and feel pulled to hold it back in case others judge me
Leadership, She’s there

When we were driving on our scooter along a road at night, and I heard a scream, and saw a lady being dragged by her hair into the bushes….

Leadership, She’s there (and She had me off the bike and sprinting towards the scream without even thinking. Henare got there before me and was dealing with the guy, as I got there, to hug and comfort the lady)

It’s when I’m standing there with one of my kids, and I’m tired
Leadership, She’s there

It when I’ve made a mistake, and I KNOW it (Shit!)
Leadership, She’s there (reminding me to ring them back immediately and apologise and own it, despite not wanting to.. Leadership, She nudges me to dial the number

and every other moment, and situation

Leadership is NOT separate to who we are
It IS who we are

Leadership does NOT just exist on a stage
It exists in ALL moments

My favourite work in the world and the mission that I’ve chosen IS to throw gasoline on the spark of leadership that already exists within the Hearts, minds and Souls of women

Reminding women… WHO THEY DAMN WELL ARE

And when THAT happens, guess what else happens?

“Anything ya want”


The shackles get thrown off
The ceiling gets cracked open
And the walls that had you be caged?

.. They come crashing down

And whats left, is You. Your power
And Your ability to choose and create

those things that are sitting in your heart, on your ‘dream board’, they then get brought to life


And then from that place of juiciness and leadership… the results automatically, magically and magnetically flow through

We cannot separate who we’re being ,from the results that we’re getting

It just doesn’t work like that

(Although most people continue to insist on doing it that way, frustrated at not getting the results they want, and more than that, the experience of themselves that they want)

Our results are then a by product of who we’re being
And that, I find, comes down to FULLY OWNING WHO WE ARE

All the time

Not just when people are looking, or when the cameras are rolling

And, just like you cant be ‘half pregnant’

Leadership is NOT something that you own in one area of your life, while rejecting in another

Leadership, IS who you are

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