One night, I was treated like a Queen, by three men

it was an extraordinary experience that’ll stay with me til I’m old n wrinkly

it was at the end of a three year journey on reclaiming myself as a sexual woman. In the early parts of the journey, I went slowly (oh, so slowly). Id been so sexually shut down for various reasons. I hadn’t even realised I was sexually shut down. I just thought that being UNinterested in sex was normal for a busy mum with kids. and not feeling sexually empowered or fueled was normal. well its certainly ‘common’, but its not our base normal, that’s for sure (and it has huuuuuge ripple effects across other areas of our life. although that’s for another post, another time)

so it was at the end of this three year journey, that I had the experience of three men for the night

all of who had chosen to be in the game of …


I fell in love with Henare even more than I thought was possible. He wanted this experience for me as much as he’d want something like this for his absolute best friend in the world

the rules were clear “whatever Queen Kate wants, Queen Kate gets” (unless of course someone called ‘time out’)

Mr Sweden. So overwhelmed by the experience (joy, he said) cried during it. He needed an easy job, so I allowed him to massage my foot for the night. Yup

(on a side night, I realised that night how vulnerable men actually are. it had never occurred to me in the way that it occurred to me as I watched him overcome with emotion as he was fulfilling his duty as CFMO – chief foot massaging officer)

Mr Italy. wow. A man who owned his sexuality. Wow. It brought through a sexual beast in me. Wow. Have I said Wow already? I think so. It warrants being said a few more times too. Wow

Mr Henare, WOOOOW. (that deserves capital letters). What a man. What a husband. What a best friend. I fell in love with him again that night in a way I cant even begin to tell you. We’ve been together for 15 years, and we’re in a committed, monogamous marriage. And yet he wanted me to experience this, so that I could experience a part of me that Id never gotten to experience

And, given that our intention is in being in relationship TOGETHER for our entire life, Henare saw it as an ‘of course’ I want you to experience this. as he said ‘we can talk and laugh about it when we’re in our rocking chairs as 90-year olds.

Henare was so caring and kind through the whole experience, leading up to it, during, and in the days that followed as we reflected on it (our level of FULL daily communication, which we’ve created over 15 years, is like nothing else I’ve personally seen in a partnership)

his focus was on having the experience be an empowering one for ME

for weeks after it, I felt like I was a feline wild cat

I kept imagining this long tail out behind me and my tail swooshed from side to side as I walked

something got opened within me, that’ll never be closed again

what got ignited, I get to keep for the rest of my life

it was like I accessed a deeper level of my engine (which was the clearly created intention for the night)

this next bit, is relevant to what I’ve just shared

see, for many years I hadn’t connected with the word Leadership

over time I realised that what I didn’t connect with, was the models of leadership that I was seeing

I didn’t connect to those on stage who were only showing “shiny” (who are they when they’re out of sight?)

I didn’t connect to the ‘5 steps to change your life’, ‘how to eliminate self doubt’ world

and I certainly didn’t connect with ‘perfection’ and much of the 2-dimensionalness of ‘you must live this way, act this way.. speak this way… do this thing.. show this thing… in order to be….. bla bla bla’

and so

I decided

to re-write

the entire fucking manual

for what Leadership meant for ME

and then…


My whole life gets to be lived from this manual

And, my leadership here, is that I live and share from it fully

(which means that sometimes I get nudged to share stuff like this, and despite a level of internal battle, I come back to reminding myself who I am and what I stand for). and then… let it out

knowing that some wont get it (which is cool)

and that some will (which is cool)

and knowing, that for those who it does, it’l help to switch the light on for them too, just like it did for me

because it did that for me

the Leadership light within me got switched on, cause I chose to switch it on within me, by redefining what it meant for me

when you finally let go of who you think you’re supposed to be, and allow yourself to be who you were actually born to be


Leadership, takes courage
Truly accessing your own internal power, takes courage

and when you do, its a light, that can never be switched off

SIDE NOTE – for anyone who’s new to my work. for clarity’s sake – I teach on leadership, not sexuality. however, I also speak out about all sorts of things which are important to me, and true for me and actually, I find that they’re all inter-related. conversations on personal leadership are also relevant in areas of sexuality, parenting, full self expression, just as much as they are relevant in the areas that I teach and coach in…. PLAYING BIG AND BEING NON-NEGOTIABLY AND UNSTOPPABLY THE BIRTHER OF YOUR DREAMS


…… I’m doing a one day VIP Leadership activation day on the Gold Coast on 12th February. It’s small and intimate where you’ll be activating ALL of what brings your power through at the NEXT LEVEL. PM me for details

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